How to Take Care of Yer Terran
by A. Zap
Summary: About a week after everything goes down with Ronan, the Milano receives a mysterious message containing a file titled, "How to Take Care of Yer Terran." Though the Guardians don't know who it's from (though they highly suspect the culprit), they find themselves relying on it quite a lot due to their leader's happy-go-lucky attitude. It's after Ego that Peter discovers it.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Guardians of the Galaxy or any Marvel characters. If I did, I'd have money.  
**

 **Note: Based off a thread post by sevi007 on tumblr.**

* * *

How to Take Care of Yer Terran

Rocket was the one who noticed the message first, not even a week after the incident with Ronan. It was an odd message to be sure. They had already gotten quite a few messages, from people Peter had known, people who had a grudge against at least one of the group, or people who were now asking them for help.

This message though was weird because while it had been sent to the Milano in general, it was also clearly marked, in the subject, "Not for Quill's Eyes."

Of course, Rocket couldn't help but be curious. Well, that and the only other thing he had to do was look after Groot's sprout, so he naturally opened it.

Inside the message, there were no actual words. No threats, no pleas, no congratulations. All there was inside was a single item. It was quite massive in its size, but still just a single document.

It was labeled, "How to Take Care of Yer Terran."

"Curiouser and curiouser." Rocket commented as he clicked it open. As he scrolls through the pages, some parts of the document seeming to have been fully typed up while others appear to have been dictated and recorded by the computer, he slowly realized what exactly this was.

It's notes. Notes on Quill.

For the most part, they read like mission logs or like they had been part of reports at some point: little asides about how they shouldn't let Peter eat this or to do that if Peter's out in the blazing light too long. Overall, it's just things that could affect Peter and how to deal with that. Years and years of notes.

Meaning there was really only one place this could have come from, despite the lack of any information on the sender. Rocket could verify who it was from with his hacking skills, but he couldn't help but feel there was no point to that.

Rocket took it to Gamora next, of course.

"Hey, Gamora?" He asked as he sidled up to her. As she turns toward him, he continued, "What do you know about Terrans?"

Gamora raised an eyebrow at the question, but still thought it over. "Not much, admittedly. Just that in recent years, their planet has been put under Asgard's protection by order of their Prince."

"Then you're going to want to read this." Rocket handed her the pad that he had downloaded the log entries, well book more like given the sheer number, onto. He had also made multiple back-ups throughout the Milano's computer system and some of his private pads as well. "I'm trying to figure out a way to get the highlights of this to make it easier to read, because given that stunt he pulled in Knowhere, I got the feeling we're gonna need this."

Gamora gave the contents of the pad a quick skim, and as she realized what she had in her hands, her eyebrow lowered. "Thank you." She said with a bit of difficulty as she glanced back up at Rocket, not used to giving thanks. She paused a bit before continuing, "Perhaps I should be the one to relay this to Drax."

"Yeah. Do that." Rocket nodded, a bit grateful he wouldn't have to explain all of this to their literal-minded acquaintance. Considering his duty done, he wandered off to see how Groot was doing and to check if he had the stuff to make a thermal detonator.

Gamora stayed there for a moment more, and as she read more and more, she couldn't help but think, looking at the dictated sections, that she only knew of one Ravager who had this exact accent.

* * *

Between Gamora, Rocket, and Drax, the three of them constantly used and consulted the guide that'd been given. It covered pretty much every sort of incident they encountered and even more, and it made them wonder exactly how much crap Peter had gotten himself into over the years.

Drax had wanted to ask Peter exactly that, but Rocket and Gamora managed to convince him to not only keep his questions to himself, but also to not tell Peter about the guide in the first place. Obviously, the creator wanted to remain anonymous.

And as the group of misfits grew closer and closer, they couldn't help but be grateful for it as they once more prevented Peter from accidentally poisoning himself.

And then Ego happened.

* * *

Peter hadn't meant to find it.

He had just been trying to look into the Eclector's systems to re-familiarize himself with it while they picked up the Milano and repaired it again. All of the Guardians were making themselves quite at home in the Ravager ship, but Peter still wanted to have his trusty ship back. Besides, he figured that the Milano would be better suited for shorter or important trips.

In any case, it was completely on accident that he stumbled upon a folder labeled, "About Quill."

And well, his name was _literally_ on it, so of course he had to open it.

Inside the folder was a massive file document titled "How to Take Care of Yer Terran" and then hundreds of smaller files, labeled by date only.

Naturally, Peter opened largest file first. His brows furrowed as he scrolled down through it, not quite getting what he was seeing here. It was only when Peter started opening the smaller files that he realized that they were the individual components that made up the larger file. Not only that, but there were other files as well that hadn't made it into the tome. The actual book document was made up of survival information, the dos and don'ts. The unused files were other things, like noting something Peter had especially liked or disliked. Or little anecdotes of things Peter had done in relation to a job they'd done.

Teeny tiny tidbits of all the things that Yondu, for this had his dad's signature all over it, had noticed about him and thought to take note. And then compile so that anyone could easily know how to take care of him.

Peter didn't even know when he had started crying. But before he even realized it, big fat tears were rolling down his cheeks and sobs choked his breath.

He buried his head in his hands, because seriously? Hadn't he cried enough already?

Apparently not.

"Y'know, he sent dat to ev'ry new Ravager we brought on board." A quiet, familiar twang came from behind him, making him jump.

Whirling around, Peter saw Kraglin looking over the opened entries with a fond smile.

"He also sent it to yer friends, complainin' that they'd have no clue how ta deal with ya. Drax's told me dat it was helpful many a time." He chuckled at that. "Seems it came in handy at least."

"I – " Peter couldn't get the words out the way he wanted them. "I didn't know."

"Well, he didn't want ya ta know." Kraglin had come far enough that he was now level with Peter. "Cuz as far as I know, that parta what a parent does."

At that, Peter couldn't help but reach out for a hug, gripping Kraglin tight around the waist. Without hesitation, Kraglin returned the hug, patting him on the head. If he needed the hug as much as Peter, there wasn't any proof of that.

After all, he was just following the guide.

 **How to Take Care of Yer Terran, Page 67**

"By all means, if the boy wants a hug, just gives it to 'em. Make sure to tell the crew that. He'll start moping if he doesn't get it, and 'parently Terrans die if they don't get physical contact. His momma told 'em dat, so don't try contradicting dat. So, in other words, just hug 'em.

"Or else ya'll be at the business end of ma arrow."

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 _AN: So Sevi made a thread about Yondu accidentally making a guide on how to take care of Terrans while recording mission logs, and I was so inspired that I wrote the basis of this fic in the notes at 2 AM while on my cell phone. Recently, I decided to clean it up, fix it, and actually post it elsewhere. Looking back over the original, it's surprisingly articulate and has fewer mistakes than I imagined for being written at 2 AM. Still, just some sweet stuff._

 _And though Yondu doesn't actually make an appearance in this fic, he is part of everything that happens and he's in our hearts._


End file.
